6PPP

6 PAGE PROSE PRODUCTIONS

it is the defining factor of hs-u’s ‘zines’.  they are 6 pages long, they contain prose.  some, like the up coming DOOMSDAY serieswill also feature drawings / sketches.  all are hand sewn here in my studio bedroom in thee grand old montreal.


6PPP began some months ago with MY VERY PRIVATE SELVES, a series of 13 ‘zines’ about obsessive love, desire, and loss.

My Very Private Selves

an original 6PPP

intro ::

FOUND
girl / woman
foreign to montreal
daughter of her own evolution
shares secrets when she feels she shouldn’t

SEEKING
you
THIS IS THE WEB VERSION OF ALL THE TANGIBLE THINGS I’VE WRITTEN AND MADE
which is tucked away somewhere in montréal
so they are not only thought in my head
tell me something
tell me anything

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

xiii :: history, herstory + who cares?

selves imposed a threat
oh your name moaned
in mood lighting

repeating selves
each without history

my love
15 minutes late
and i cannot breathe

and now i must mend this?

i don’t think
what i said was true

i, heather utah,
would like to
formally issue
a retraction
of the words

the unbearable lightness
and a drastic
change of tradition

imposed a place
a threat to mend a gap

i sat in the queen chair
you, eunuch
number one left hand man

THIS ENDS TONIGHT

xii :: grasping, lies + reality

trying to be
without actually bean

STOP WITH YOUR
SLANDEROUS LIES

looking into your eyes
i’m having trouble
seeing next thursday
let alone infinity

it increases physical
awareness –

please, please

becoming is a reality
not imagined, not dreamt
but a state full of
you and of me

when i was very young
i stayed home
collected stamps
and made up people
named after fonts

backing out
of a tender tendril
if only to be lost
again, shining

WE, SORCERERS

maybe i will stand
by and document your fall
with sexual distance

xi :: piercing, needless + needles

but i flew to the shores
of a web
to find you
only to throw you
back from whence
you came

speech is nothing
i can only show you
my silly portal trying

we are beginning
to crepp out
of the ventilation

changing behaviors
grandiose noise but

i know the dirty rag
in your corners
and what they meant
to you and to me

i am no thing
compared to the
needles you cave to

SO WHAT SO FUCKING WHAT

i only wanted to make
things
right between these selves

that act of piercing
together
harming to mend

what brought you here?
x :: boner, sonar + lots of stabbing

bodymind

you and both
know this is true

i am trying
to rob you of your
organs
spleen, please

how did it come
to this?
soft chine world

underwater
subsonar
roar

in a quiet
fore shadow of doubt

likes ::
knitting shivs
wielding ball
peen hammers

tastes the blood
from the bite

knowing inside and out
literally
pulling it out of your body

i only wanted you
to know
why
i wanted everything

ix :: quotes, homes + cumming

‘and there are no tombs
in the galapagos islands, the
ocean gets all
the bodies to use
as it will’
-vonnegut
(galapagos)

COME
HOME

wishing lasts forever

i love you
but i will never
go[t] to longueuil
again

breaking every rule
if only to see you
again

WANNA FIGHT ABOUT IT???

just fucking do it

i am waiting for a
bus to get on the bus
and maybe
to not get off of it
to meet fellow
cephalopod

THIS IS NOT YOU
THIS IS ME TRYING
TO REMEMBER YOU

try talkingnormally
for once

viii :: grinding, binding + needles

life is
measured by the
amount of people
who leave it

i just wanted you
to stick your
hand up my shirt

E is a good
letter to have on
ones side

THANKS FOR
ROCKING

what exactly
are you doing?

grind my bones
to make my bread
in bed
my last night in bed
with you

:: im crying
because i wanted you
to see the full range
of my emotions ::

this is dangerous
played too sharp
it was like love
familiar earthen
smell

i can only say it
so many times

wicked, stupid
girl, i could
love you ten
thousand times
a minute

vii :: smut, thread + advertisment

i like it
its like a third eye

this house is
turning into
a home

dont
you laugh at me

RE: hot hot possible
percussionist
you wore blue and rocked
a skunk spot –
i would like to
see more of you
marry me?

DON’T TELL MOM

everything is fine

DIABOLICAL
ROMANTICISM

finding your soulmate
on an alien planet
volunteer pioneer
bring water for
the trip
(mars is cold)

i am an orphan
to the alley

support your
local oppressors

vi :: good, bad + ok

I WAS ONE ONCE

lavender and
graveyard thyme
i will taste the bitter
the sweetness i’ll
never know

i wish i had something
interesting to
say

im ok youre ok

there is great
distance between
us both

butihaveneverfelt
yousonear

OH SHIT
I ALMOST TOOK
YOU TOO
SERIOUSLY
AGAIN

MISCELLANEOUS
ARTIST
FOR HIRE

leaving
having left
flying anticipating
it will be the best distraction

tell me something
anything

v :: sweethearts, tarts + deerharts

i was one once
and now i
sometimes try to be

will you be my
only sweetheart?
will you be my
timeless one and only?

SOME THINGS I KNOW
-drink lots of water
-laughter is the best exercise
-bask in the sun for your soul
-nobody is an accident
-say what you mean and

mean what you say, always

i like
boys that look like girls
girls that look like boys

tell me young star what you
are dreaming of

EVERYTHING IN THIS RAT CITY
REMIND ME OF YOU

THERE IS
RAW THERE

for the longest time
i felt like i needed to be
saved——–

now i finally feel
strong enough to be the one
to do the saving

iv :: acid, ass + sight

soon after their departure
there is the desire
to recreate each moment
in hopes to remind my selves
that they were in fact
REAL

wanting to show them
EVERYTHING
-to not weep like
the busted girl i am

shooting each other with foam guns
i revealed a secret
so did she

I HAVE AN EXCESS OF ACID
IN MY BODY
THAT CAUSES ME TO
VOMIT FREQUENTLY

are you a
son of the evolution?
a daughter of the evolution?
what do you know about
men and women as lovers?

lovers from away
for a faraway kind of girl

my secrets are everyone,,,,,
my secrets are everyones secrets

i have 2 imaginary husbands

body pulses
body breaks
body breathes
body heals

I WOULD LIKE TO
SEE YOU AGAIN
i would like
to see YOU again

iii :: bodies, minds + mines

and their arms
and their faces
and their eyes
and their torsos

if love makes me a better person
does infatuation make me a worse one?

time is there is no time
when you love the person
you are with

my private selves
are reaching
out for a fellow of flesh

IS THAT WHY I AM HERE?

my hypocrisy is shiny – like chrome

my nose will
be hollow
my eyes will be
blocked

I LIKE THE SHAPE
OF YOUR HEAD

there is an[d] ache in my spine
there is a pull in my chest
towards spending as much

time against your body as possible
even if it mean sacrificing something
—-anything for a smile

ii :: wishes, fishes + fears

TRUELOVE
FALSELOVE
DEEPLOVE

who are these peopls
i become attached to?

i wept in public.
maybe youve seen me

i would walk to the train tracks
and cry and cry and cry

that long slow iron rumble

always reminds me
of him —–

follow my very private map

from off to on

THE OTHER SIDE IS
THERE IS NO OTHER SIDE

this is our last year

i :: love, unlove + secrets

I WAS ONE ONCE

there was and still is
a certain fear and pain
in memory and forgetting

from the day i met him
i knew our days were numbered
he had a plane to catch

there was nothing i could say or do
to make him stay
i could never make you stay

i am trying to influence a life

i hope you will still like me tomorrow

europeans are sexy
but hard to read
and weird to me

WERE WE TOGETHER?

i am a strange animal

with a tendency towards
interior thought and speech
that borders on choking

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