Posts tagged ‘installation’

April 9, 2010

helminthophobic landscapes and rgb nightmares [for s]

helminthophobic landscapes and rgb nightmares [for s]

and, this marks the end of ilhu’s rgb period.  for now.

helminthophobic landscapes and rgb nightmares [for s]

helminthophobic landscapes and rgb nightmares [for s]

helminthophobic landscapes and rgb nightmares [for s]

helminthophobic landscapes and rgb nightmares [for s]

parallel to this i had been working on an absurd stop motion animation.

have a rough cut.

i thought i would have more to say about all this but i’m still reeling from the xtensive intensive actions that these required.  today is a lovingly quiet day wherein i will get to READ, journal, clear some space on my hdrive, organize my shelves, etc.

neglecting my real life state, i feel like i’m ready to reassume myself.  also, i have found a direct correlation between sitting at the computer, my caffeine intake, and the pain in my jaw and spine.

utah, out.

March 22, 2010


stranger, strangest.

how does one start with this


and end up with this?


i glitched one row, not even entirely sure how i was physically able to do so. after i accepted the fact that i ‘messed up’ [not even technically in my right mind at the time, either] i became hyper aware of every action i made. picking up a triangle and rhombus pair, i made sure i was sewing the right seam. but no! i made the same mistake, twice in a row.

at this point, it is best for both me and the piece to stop seeing each other.
scrap collage background.

gonzo detail

every photo i took of the pieces, the camera registered COMPLETELY different colours. i would have thought that the red green blue mix would have been perfect for electronic devices to pick up, but i guess its more of an output ability than an input one.

sitting in my studio, i am surrounded by these rather large tapestry like pieces on my wall. as i am writing this, i am slowly losing my vision in my right eye, the walls are vibrating so much. they water, and i cry, but for 2 very different reasons.

inner city

my favourite pattern of them all, but was the most difficult to design [surprisingly]  and the execution is definitely questionable. [see? k-kinda yellow]

in any case, i still have one more panel to make. ive decided to make this process a bit easier on myself and will stick to straight bars of colour, with varying widths? my plan with them is to back them to my helminthophobic landscapes.

inspired by very many things and a few people [always with the frustration], i am picking up where rgb sequin sequence left off.  i think.  i think its fairly obvious that i’m creating triggers using op art [a technique [not a genre] of art that i havent seen used very often].  searching excitement and immediate physical reactions using refracted light and fabric.

the drawings ive made on the hexagons are an amazing jumping off point for this endeavour.  the only problem ive been faced with, and has temporarily set me back from making more is the fact that i ran out of the original red pencil i was using.  i have another one but it wont last long.  these kinds of things never do.

rgb hexagon stair

rgb hexagon scan

exactly 23.5 years today, i have learned to be the pelagic shark.  in moments of pressure, stillness is what crushes you.  movement is always movement forward.  the smallest breath in the world is one small step out of this.  the efforts pay off, thankfully.  practice practice.  while i’m never quite sure if what im doing is any good is irrelevant [and somewhat impossible, for at this moment in time i cannot even SEE what i am doing] because THIS IS NOT A TEST.

February 11, 2010

Hedronized Heathen

somewhere between structure and mark making is where i am sitting.

not quite something, but definitely not nothing, i’ve made my place. meditating on helminthophobia and geometry, i have found many different ways of researching the relationships of these ideas and methods in a way that is my own. for me, by me.

imstallation view

i know repetition. i know repetition. i know bravery, repetition and noise [anyone?].

this process of shuttling back and forth between the shape of the structure and the drawings inspired by the shapes formed by uncontrollable folding, pleating, and swearing was the most integral to the beginning of a creation of a real evolution. while i’m not quite there yet, and i’m still meddling with the definition of ‘artist’, this might be the closest i’ve come to it thus far. come to think of it, i say that a lot, so its definitely a process.

from the top

it all started with the introduction of modular origami to my life. i had never been interested in origami before, as the folding of insipid creatures out of paper never really appealed to me in a passionate way [not like the way crochet had / has]. but modular origami requires the intense repetition of folding the same shape – and that is something i fully know, understand, and appreciate from a structural / fibres background [knitting and crochet is ALL the repetition of the [almost] exact same action]. its the creation of small same units in order to create something larger – it is more than the sum of its parts.

tube with a view

well i certainly bit off more than i could chew making this disastrous tube. i wanted to create a worm / tube / monster, and that is exactly what happened. attaching each element to make a compound, then attaching compounds to compounds, my beast exploded into an extremely frustrating piece that i was not inspired at all to finish – also happens to be everyone’s favourite piece! of course. what a pain though – and the people sad when i took it apart at the end of the day, all i could think of was KILL IT KILL IT WITH FIRE [and not in the fun way]. i could not, cannot deal with the idea of it sitting in a corner of my studio, mocking me with its inherently evil intention [trying to externalize the worms, get them out, exorcize!]. its still in my bag. i cant even look at it right now.

hatful of hedra
[taken earlier this morning – its a hatful of hedra!]

these however, were an absolute BLAST to make. straight up and down hedra, it was a structure i could understand and track the evolution of my folding and insertion skills. i adapted the traditional PHiZZ style of folding into something i lovingly call ILhU style. 3 modules, 1 hexahedron. thats a structure i can get behind. can you believe these were inspired by lady gaga?

in working with and adapting these shapes [mainly the equilateral triangle and hexagon] i created these drawings!



these were really fun to make because i got to combine my love of patterning and narrative into one technique [more or less]. telling the incredibly personal story of my dreams was not meant to be interpreted by anyone other than me because only i am the one who knows, feels, and fears the worms. i was striving for movement with every line i made but recursively drew myself into static. a paper is a paper and is restrictive. but in defense of my size choices – i think no matter the size of the paper, if it were a mural or a pocket notebook, i would use it in such a way that would restrict the viewer. if it were the size of the tate modern, i would still fill the space till i were stuck inside it – and i would take you down with me.


in any case, i still feel like my drawings and installations exist more honestly as photographs. its a matter of the virgan need for control. there’s a lot more lightplay and impossible worldviews through the manipulated lens. these things are important to me. and you’re important to me.

new news is old news.

next up?  i’m going to try and write a paper about the role of diabolical / mystical symbolism in printmaking [i’m still sourcing it out to see if its plausible – backup idea is a study of william blake and zine making]

power costumes [going to have to pull a miracle to make this work =/ ]

landscapes for a helminthophobe [i have full reign on this project and i am feeling really confident about]
here are the bases i’m working on [sans embellishment – i’ll write more about this on tuesday most likely]

silver landscape helminthiphobic pseudorayograph collide

flats full screen

wow that last one looks COMPLETELY different now than it does when i took that picture.  lots of couching and applique.  featuring :: fingernails!  my [least] favourite human by product – lovingly dubbed ‘human ivory’ by someone on etsy somewhere.  oh and the print is upside down.

and as treat for you, having suffered through this ridiculously long and process riddled entry, here’s a hot picture of me!  and by hot i mean ‘wow its really hot under this wig’


and one last thing for all the former ghosties out there – freddy ruppert has released his RARE TRAX + DEMOS !  i recommend downloading it – i cannot stop listening to / obsessing over the talking heads cover.  it sounds nothing like the original!  brilliant!

November 27, 2009


first up :: i would like to thank all 1 person for contributing to the bummer mix!  i am telepathically giving them an invisible ice cream come.  anyone else who wants to help out please do leave a comment!  you will be doing me a great favour and you will be loved for it!

on to business ::
fence drawing and other massacres

among other things, i’ve been revisiting this space again and again because i do and it is one of the few places in mtl that i can trick myself into being reminded of home [tho it isn’t really home]

there is a strange disappointment in relation to it, to a large proportion to my work.  i feel that one of the main reasons for my making is that it is a coping mechanism for disappointments, loves, unloves, heartbreaks and art school.  it is ridiculous, the amount of spoiled self loathing of privilege i carry.
i am not an artist.

one night after a futile attempt at a human relationship i took the sugar skulls i wanted us to have made and wanted to throw them, i wanted to throw them at THEM but they were not there – they were never really there but that is another story.  instead i took them to the grave and watched them melt in future rain and fog.


extending REST was absolutely integral; this place is more than i think it is, i am always finding something new.  it is always changing i am human and heather and never quite on top of things anyway.


i hadn’t really noticed this path before, and i blatantly did not even see the gate at the top of the hill.

gate full

i also worked quite a long way of the fence but i am really not satisfied at all with it and will remove it sometime in the very near future, hopefully tomorrow if life permits it.

gate work better

hi hand.

one day i will get the hang of it, living, that is.  knowing my practice, my abilities without constantly short changing myself.
i would say we all got some insightful criticisms and ideas today, though i should stick to speaking for myself.

i am thinking of writing + posting an homage to elisabeth belliveau because i recently splurged and bought ‘the great hopeful someday’ with my babysitting money [yes, i am 14 – what of it?] and it is my new bible.  i’ve read it 3 times since tuesday and it is making me so much more aware of the smallest things in life.

like the finding of a quarter on the street and the action of putting it in an old icing tin that is now my nyc fund [$59.19 and counting!!!!]
like the house on waverly that reminds of michigan in 1979 tho i’ve never been there and i was only born in 86.
like my plan to touch every qat on the island of mtl
and the futility of existence that i am going to feel for the rest of my life because being 23 doesn’t solve anything.

i really thought, when i was younger than 22, that i was going to find ~true love at 22.  why 22?  well it was my champagne year – and it most certainly was, the most beautifully bittersweet bubbly i’ve ever experienced – without a doubt the best year of my life thus far, and i miss it very dearly.  maybe 23 will be getting better soon but nothing falls into place.  it is constant effort and rejection and reeffort and i don’t even know what i’m trying to achieve.  in any case, i didn’t find it and now i think i am doomed.  doom doom doom is what i feel in my chest when i wake up, sighing, entertaining the thought of dropping school.  but what for for what?  there is no back up plan.  i am here because i have no better place to be.

good gourd why divulge so much information?  context?  i am producing because i have to, like pulling teeth and blood from a stone.  i have been emptied.  there is nothing left to project[ile vomit] but we go on.  like a zombie empire of art without meaning or need or desire.


we went to joliette and the only engaging work of art there was in the children’s studio.

let that be a lesson for you.

November 5, 2009


as a testament to my inability to follow directions and desire to be an artist, i am performing and documenting the burial of the shrine of former ghosts.

in this piece entitled REST, i, heather utah, am returning to the median between st urbain and clark streets to bury the shrine.  i have chosen this location as the final resting place and resolution of this piece as i have gathered most of my materials and inspiration from this spot.

having worked in the public realm multiple times beforehand, i have learned that public space and private property are one and the same.  and i have learned that behaviour in these spaces dictates the public’s reaction to the presence of the artist.  most space must be appropriated and claimed for the doer and maker.

no one is going to give you space.  do no expect space to appear.  go and find what you feel is real.  do not hesitate to break laws.  legal and illegal have little to do with right and wrong.

my having done anything else with this piece would result in frustration and my having performed an act that does not coincide with the teleology of my artistic process.  i do not want to make art for school.  i make art to resolve art and emotive needs.

i would have preferred to perform the burial on the traditional day of the dead but circumstances beyond my control occurred and postponed it until november 5th, 2009.
i am in many ways poisoning the earth with this performance but i have retrieved most pieces that are toxic and replaced them with the pods and seeds that were residual to my spinning the milkweed silk to make the shrine cage.

maybe what i am doing is wrong.  i don’t know.  i take responsibility for my actions.


this is all that is left.

this ones for you

a silk among stars


my first hole


beat the devil

my tree


self made